If Your Child Isn't Talking Yet, They May Still Be Telling You So Much
You know your child better than anyone.
You know the little sound they make when they're excited.
You know the look they give you when they want something.
You know when they're about to become overwhelmed.
You know which snack they want before they even reach for it.
But sometimes you might still find yourself thinking:
“I just wish I knew what they were trying to tell me.”
When your child isn't using words yet, communication can feel like a guessing game.
You may find yourself asking:
Are they hungry?
Do they want help?
Are they frustrated?
Do they want me to play?
Do they want me to leave them alone?
Why are they crying?
And sometimes it can feel like the only way your child knows how to tell you something is through a meltdown, pulling you toward something, or simply becoming upset.
But here's something I want you to know:
Your child may already be communicating much more than you realize.
They just may not be communicating with words yet.
Communication Doesn't Start With Talking
We often think of communication as words.
“More.”
“Mom.”
“Help.”
“Ball.”
“Up.”
But communication starts long before a child says their first word.
A child may communicate by:
Looking toward something they want
Reaching for an object
Handing you something
Pulling your hand
Moving closer to you
Moving away from you
Making a particular sound
Smiling or laughing
Pointing
Pushing something away
Bringing you a favorite toy
Looking back and forth between you and an object
Becoming excited when you start a familiar game
Crying or becoming upset
Repeating an action to get you to continue
These moments can be easy to miss.
Especially when you're waiting so hard for words.
But these are the moments we want to start noticing.
Look at What Happens Right Before
One of my favorite ways to help parents understand their child's communication is to slow down and become a little bit of a detective.
Instead of only looking at what your child is doing, look at what happened right before it.
For example:
Your child starts crying while you're making dinner.
It might be easy to think:
“They're having a tantrum.”
But pause.
What happened right before?
Maybe you stopped playing with them.
Maybe they were trying to reach something on the counter.
Maybe they were hungry.
Maybe the room suddenly became noisy.
Maybe they wanted you to pick them up.
Maybe they were trying to show you something and you didn't notice.
The behavior itself doesn't always tell us exactly what is happening.
The context gives us clues.
What Is Your Child Looking At?
Your child's eyes can tell you a lot.
Imagine your child is sitting on the floor and suddenly looks toward the kitchen.
Then they look at you.
Then back toward the kitchen.
Maybe they haven't pointed.
Maybe they haven't said “snack.”
But they're giving you information.
You might wonder:
“Are you showing me something?”
You don't have to immediately know the answer.
You can follow their gaze.
“Hmm... you see the kitchen.”
Then pause.
Maybe they move toward the kitchen.
Now you have another clue.
Over time, you begin learning your child's unique communication patterns.
What Are They Doing With Your Body?
This is a big one for children who aren't yet using words.
Your child may take your hand and pull you toward something.
They might put your hand on a toy.
They might climb into your lap.
They might push your hand away.
They might bring you a container they can't open.
These aren't random behaviors.
Your child may be using your body as part of their communication system.
Instead of thinking:
“They're grabbing my hand again.”
Try wondering:
“What are they asking me to do?”
Maybe they want help.
Maybe they want you to open something.
Maybe they want you to repeat a game.
Maybe they're inviting you into their play.
Maybe they're saying:
“Come with me.”
Pay Attention to Repetition
Sometimes parents worry about repetitive behaviors because they don't look like traditional play.
But repetition can give us important information.
Maybe your child repeatedly drops a toy.
You pick it up.
They drop it again.
You pick it up.
They look at you.
There's a possibility that a game is beginning.
They may not have the words to say:
“Do it again!”
But their actions may be communicating exactly that.
So you might try:
“Again!”
Drop.
Pause.
Look at them.
Wait.
If they drop it again, you have your answer.
They just communicated with you.
And now you've created a back-and-forth interaction.
What About When They Push You Away?
This is another moment that can be difficult for parents.
Your child comes toward you, and then suddenly pushes your hands away.
It can feel confusing.
But pushing away is communication too.
Maybe they don't want help.
Maybe you got too close.
Maybe the interaction became too much.
Maybe they want to do it independently.
Maybe they're overwhelmed.
Instead of immediately trying to stop the behavior, we can wonder:
“What are you telling me?”
Sometimes the most important thing we can communicate back is:
“Okay. I hear you.”
Giving your child a little space can actually build trust.
They learn:
My parent listens to me.
Watch for the Smallest Changes
When a child isn't talking yet, communication can be very subtle.
You might notice:
A tiny smile.
A quick glance.
A change in breathing.
A sound they only make during certain games.
Their body leaning toward you.
Their hand reaching out.
Their feet moving toward something.
Their expression changing when you stop.
Their excitement when you begin a familiar routine.
These small changes matter.
You don't need to wait for a big gesture or a perfect point.
Start noticing the tiny moments.
Try the “Pause and Wait”
One of the simplest things you can try at home is to pause.
And I mean really pause.
If you're singing a song your child loves, stop right before the favorite part.
Look at them.
Wait.
Maybe they'll make a sound.
Maybe they'll look at you.
Maybe they'll move closer.
Maybe they'll smile.
Maybe nothing happens.
That's okay too.
You're giving your child an opportunity to participate.
Instead of filling every moment with talking or questions, you're creating space for:
“Your turn.”
Communication grows through these little back-and-forth moments.
You Don't Have to Ask “What Is That?” All Day
When we're trying to encourage language, it's easy to accidentally turn play into a quiz.
“What color is that?”
“What is that?”
“Say ball.”
“What animal is that?”
“Can you say dog?”
But if your child isn't ready to answer those questions, it can become frustrating for both of you.
Instead, try joining what they're already doing.
If they're pushing a car:
“Go!”
If they stop:
“Whoa!”
If they look at you:
“You're looking at me!”
If they hand you a toy:
“You want help.”
If they reach toward bubbles:
“Bubbles!”
You're giving them language that matches their experience.
They don't have to repeat it.
You're simply showing them that their actions, emotions, and experiences have meaning.
What Your Child Wants You to Know
Sometimes the biggest shift isn't teaching a child to communicate differently.
It's teaching us to listen differently.
Your child may not be saying:
“I'm overwhelmed.”
But their body might be.
They may not be saying:
“Help me.”
But they might hand you something.
They may not be saying:
“Play with me.”
But they might bring you their favorite toy.
They may not be saying:
“Do that again!”
But they might repeat the same action over and over.
They may not be saying:
“I don't like that.”
But they might push your hand away.
Their communication is already there.
Our job is to become curious enough to notice it.
And This Doesn't Mean You Have to Figure It Out Alone
If you're constantly wondering what your child is trying to communicate, it can be exhausting.
You don't have to decode everything perfectly.
In fact, you won't.
Sometimes you'll guess wrong.
That's okay.
Communication is a relationship.
You try something.
Your child responds.
You adjust.
They respond again.
Little by little, you learn each other.
This is one of the reasons relationship-based therapy and Floortime can be so powerful.
Rather than looking only at whether a child is using words, we look at how they are connecting, communicating, regulating, engaging, and sharing experiences with the people around them.
Start With One Thing Tonight
You don't need to completely change the way you interact with your child tonight.
Just try this:
Watch.
What catches their attention?
Wait.
What happens if you give them a little space to respond?
Wonder.
What might their behavior be telling you?
Respond.
Show them that you noticed.
You might be surprised by how much your child has been telling you all along.
Your Child Has a Voice — Even Before Words
At Growing Through Play, we believe communication is so much bigger than talking.
Our goal is to help parents understand the small signals their children are already giving them and build meaningful connection through play, everyday routines, sensory experiences, and relationships.
If you're looking for relationship-based pediatric occupational therapy, Floortime support, autism parent coaching, or help understanding your child's early communication in Connecticut, we'd love to help you learn how to see those moments differently.
Because sometimes the first step toward communication isn't getting your child to say more.
It's learning to listen to what they're already saying.
Growing Through Play LLC
Helping you understand your child, one playful moment at a time.
